A closed door or the enemy?

As a requirement of working in a voluntary capacity with Partners, I was required to complete a lengthy application form that would then be submitted to the national board of Partners for consideration. I found this such a challenging process as I attempted to explain my journey of faith so far and why on earth I wanted to go to the middle of nowhere in the first place. But the hardest question of all was "what are you future short-term and long-term goals?" The reality is that God has me in a time of transition and my goals are getting a good shake up as I am repositioned for a new work. I found it so scary to write that I see mission as a long-term goal. What on earth was I committing myself to? I know it's a goal and not a fully-blown contract,but I felt that it was a contract with God - accepting the role that he has prepared for me, and accepting the sacrifices that role may require. Would I ever be called to get married? And could I kiss a modest life in Australia goodbye? Give me 20 years and i might know more clearly...

Back to the application, I completed it all quite hurridly as Doug from Partners had emailed me the application, informing me there was a board meeting in a couple of days and he wanted to put it forward at that meeting. So I spent an evening filling it all out, saved the file, then went to upload it as an email attachent only to discover I couldn't find it! I searched everywhere I could imagine but it was nowhere to be found. I tried dowloading the file again to see where it was being stored and it put it in a funnny folder with a name made of jumbled letters and numbers "HJsomething". Problem is, everytime it was downloaded, it saved in a different folder. I prayed and prayed but still no file. The anxiety rose immensely and I wondered if this was a closing door to confirm the feelings I had as I wrote the application - "I'm not what they're looking for. Why on earth would they choose me?" Maybe this was an easier letdown than having my application rejected.

I shared these feelings with my dad over bacon and eggs at Vinnies and he was quick to suggest that maybe it was the work of Satan. That was enough motivation to get myself back on the computer, writing my aplication from scratch. No way was the devil going to steal an opportunity like this away from me.
The application was rushed, my answers way less eloquent, but I submitted it that night and waited....
About a week later I got an email from Doug. It read...
"The National Leadership team met at the end of last week and I am happy to say that they are pleased to accept your application.

Thanks for your last email it’s always great when people come with a servant heart willing to do whatever is needed.

I think at the moment the most likely option is English teaching here in Chiang Mai. At the moment this is run on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday evening from 6-8 pm and covers basic conversational English. The students are all working here in Chiang Mai and are between 19 and 27 years old. However we will see what else comes up a bit closer to the time as there may be other opportunities as well."

My journey has begun.
God is good.